Re: [Discuss-sudbury-model] Newbie with questions about safety

From: Naomi Rivkis <>
Date: Fri Dec 1 21:04:01 2006

--- Hilary Tuttle <> wrote:

> Hey Naomi,
> I can hear and relate to your concern and fear for
> your child's safety. But
> I have to tell you what you and me and all people
> who have loved ones
> desire, namely to keep those loved ones safe, is
> impossible.
> Short very sad story....My best friend who lives in
> Tulsa, OK had a
> beautiful, perfect little girl. Right around her
> third birthday she picked
> up a virus. Fortunately she felt just fine for her
> party and had a great
> time opening presents and playing with her friends.
> Sadly, so sadly 4 days
> later she was dead, the virus raced through her body
> destroying her heart
> and liver. She died in her mother's and father's
> arms in the bed she was
> born in.
> Really for the most part we can do nothing to avert
> the tragedies that
> snatch our loved ones from our lives. We only have
> the moment, this moment
> to live as fully and as well as we can. Now I'm not
> saying you don't teach
> your child to NEVER run into the road or stay away
> from strangers.....What I
> am saying is that because I can't control that
> danger I want to make sure
> that I support, provide, allow the richest moment to
> moment life for my
> children possible.

Thanks, Hilary. Yes, of course I know that absolute
safety is impossible, but there are various levels of
risk. I wouldn't trust an 18-month-old not to run into
the street if I left them near it unsupervised, just
because I had "taught" them not to... I wish I knew
where the line is at which point you can reasonably
expect that they can understand, remember, and control
their impulses such that the teaching is effective
enough, and supervision needn't be constant! Maybe by
the time my two-year-old is five, I'll know she can
handle it, so even though I'll worry, I'll also see
that it's a fair risk instead of an unreasonable one.
I don't know. She's not quite three yet, and it's hard
to imagine exactly what she'll be able to do in a few
years. I know I couldn't expect that of her right now;
she isn't ready, and that's okay. But I need to find
some way to be able to tell when she is, or at least
to make some kind of sane guess about when it's time
to try it and find out.

One thing I wondered about Sudbury model schools is
whether striking deals with parents, in addition to
striking them with other school members (to meet at a
particular time or work on something together, for
instance) is accepted and honored. If my daughter
promised me that she would not leave school grounds
without an older child to accompany her for the first
year, I'd trust her to keep her word... is that kind
of thing done? I don't mean is it enforced by the
school, whose business it really isn't to enforce
anything except its own internal matters, but is it
the kind of thing that families sometimes do, and do
the kids respond to it?


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Received on Fri Dec 01 2006 - 21:03:27 EST

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