RE: [Discuss-sudbury-model] parental dilemma

From: Anna R <>
Date: Wed Feb 15 20:32:00 2006

Hi Ann,

If the reply from Mado appeals to you, I think you will find the skills
building approach of Dr. Thomas Gordon and his widow Linda Adams of grate
assistance. Of all the books they have published the one titled “Be your
Best” is my favorite. I can share it with a child, friend, or even a new
acquaintance on the street. The message is just right for all. <>

I have learned much:
My husband and don’t need to be on the same page of the “parenting book”.
I can show great respect for my husbands’ strong concerns, even in his
absence, in my communications with our children. The tools I use here are
eye contact and a simple yet strong I message.
Active listening often helps me avoid attempting to takeover ownership of
the problem.
Even very young children can exercise these skills. (
<> their program starts at two years)
Conflict is natural; the unhealthy part comes from the usual methods of
dealing with it and/or attempts to avoid it.

With two cooperating adults, some modeling and mediation services three
children ages 2,4 & 5 became prime models of outstanding communication
despite frequent conflicts to their two Mothers. If such young people can
pick up on these skills in short order what are the rest of us waiting on?

Joyfully Serving , Anna Rodriguez

-----Original Message-----
[]On Behalf Of Ann Ide
Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2006 11:44 AM
Subject: [Discuss-sudbury-model] parental dilemma

Hi folks,

As a Sudbury parent, I try as much as possible to incorporate the model's
philosophy as home. It's not always appropriate, I realize; but we find it
very healthy to maintain it as part of the foundation from which we make

For a couple of years now, I have been letting my boys decide on their own
when they are ready to go to bed, versus having a "bedtime". This hasn't
been working out well lately, at least as I see it now. My eleven year old
has been staying up until 2am or later, making it difficult to get up in the
morning. If I intervene by going upstairs many times to make sure he wakes
up, etc., he can finally get up. This is very annoying, and I also don't
think it's the best for his health in the long run. Those are my beliefs,
anyway. I have tried the natural consequences route, leaving the house to
go about my business and letting him miss school, or be really late. Most
days he doesn't care. One time he left on his own to walk to school, which
we don't like because there are no sidewalks and the roads are narrow,
curvy, country roads to school. "Rational" discussions have made no
impact. I don't want him to miss school. And he loves school, too!
So.....any ideas?

On a similar vein, he chooses to be very inactive, staying indoors on DS
and laptop most of the time. Yea, that's his passion. But it has now put
him into a risky category health-wise.

So, unhealthy choices are being made, with little concern on his part, and
much concern from the parents who love him, yet know we can't force him to
do anything. Hoping you have some succes stories or wisdom to share.


Received on Wed Feb 15 2006 - 20:31:56 EST

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