[Discuss-sudbury-model] children and fighting

From: Robin <erjackson_at_bham.rr.com>
Date: Wed Sep 1 12:23:01 2004

Hello, Lori and Ann,
The Betsy Evans book sounds great. I have also used Thomas Gordon's
"Parent Effectiveness Training" which is old (1970) but not
old-fashioned. There are many problems raised by children's fighting,
it seems to me. It is upsetting to the children, and we want our
children to be happy. It is upsetting or disruptive to parents because
we have many strains of thought and work we are trying to keep together.
Parent's fighting of course also disturbs children! It also disturbs the
image and/or the reality of happy or peaceful family life that we are
trying to create. It is immensely complex, like all fighting, and is
best left to the children to resolve in the long run. I am overwhelmed
by the underlying feeling that I sometimes have that it is my
responsibility to fix everything. Someone mentioned the "co-dependent"
issue and this does seem relevant to all "educating" and "raising" of
children. I take it as my personal responsibility to listen to all
concerned parties, but after listening carefully to each infuriated
party I often just let them go back to their projects, knowing that the
long term issues may not be resolved, or even fully communicated, but
that we have chosen to live together anyway. I would think a free
school environment might provide more outlets for energy than even a
family with 4 children and a friend or two. It is probably good to
learn to face one's own family for a while every day, however, because
they are like mirrors, and you end up having to face them anyway.
Robin
Received on Wed Sep 01 2004 - 12:22:19 EDT

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