Re: [Discuss-sudbury-model] ?s about democratic families

From: Anne Crockett <inspirationpoint_at_rcn.com>
Date: Wed Sep 1 08:29:00 2004

Lori wrote in her post 'The basic problem solving process is presented as a
mediation process where the teacher/parent/adult assists the children
through the conflict/problem resolution.' I used this basic approach with my
kids - though I got the idea from a different source - and it worked like a
charm. I still see them use this although they aren't children any longer.

My trick for remembering to use the process was to remind myself of a couple
of things:
    Very often, when kids argue or fight it is a bid for attention. I would
remind them that by fighting they would only get negative attention from me
or anyone else. If they wanted positive attention, all they had to do was
ask for it. Then I had to be sure to give it to them when requested, whether
it was to read them a story, play a game with them or just give them a hug.
To this day, they routinely ask me for time to talk or a hug.
    The other thing to bear in mind is the sporting event analogy: The one
person every loves to hate on any playing field is the referee. Do you
really want to be in that position? It's a lose-lose proposition. As Lori
noted in her post one child is always unhappy with the outcome. As a
mediator/facilitator you let them come to their own conclusion and everyone
is satisfied with the outcome. I'm not concerned about winning a popularity
contest, I just want both kids to feel they got fair treatment and this
process seemed to give that result.

Good luck, keep laughing and don't take yourself - or anyone - too
seriously!
AEC
Received on Wed Sep 01 2004 - 08:28:53 EDT

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