RE: [Discuss-sudbury-model] TCS (was New to Sudbury-Cottage Grov e, OR

From: Joseph Moore <joseph_at_ivorycc.com>
Date: Fri May 30 12:19:00 2003

> From: Steven Cox [mailto:slclsc_at_attbi.com]
>
> BTW I would find it very ironic if a parent chose to send their child to
SVS for
> their child's "own good" when the child wanted homeschooling or to attend
a
> public school.

Aside re: BTW: If one of my kids wanted to do public school, they could. And
I could see the point: more kids, nicer facilities to do some stuff (like
theater and music and sports). But I'd be real surprised if they went for
more than a year or two. Stay tuned...

> Most people probably dismiss TCS because they get scared of
> what a child
> might do if unimpeded. But it is my experience that if a
> child views the
> parent as an ally, s/he is much less likely to do something foolhardy.

This is a hard one - I, too, don't worry too much over my kid's decisions,
because it's pretty clear they are in the habit of thinking through the
consequences and not afraid to talk to us parents about them. But some kids,
I don't know. Different parents have different experiences, and I've found
it too hard to make a convincing case for nature/nurture/school or whatever
as the sole or prime cause. Some kids seem to be very impulsive, so
impulsive that I can understand their parent's reluctance to leave many
decisions in the kid's hands - result of too much control? Nature? Sugar
intake? TV? I don't know.

> Children who are forbidden to do certain behaviors and experience
punishment are > probably more likely to do something foolhardy then
children who are unafraid to > discuss with their parents their plans or
concerns.

This one starts very early, in my experience. I remember moms and dads
freaking out at the park when I'd let my very little ones see how high they
could climb up on the play structures. People would be getting up and
running over to my 18 month old as soon she got 2' off the ground. Me, I
*tried* (bucking a lifetime of conditioning) to weigh the risk
realistically, and casually saunter over to be within range of quick help,
once the kid got high enough to risk real injury - politely shooing other
parents away, and trying not to convey the panic others were feeling to my
kid.

It's a struggle not to intervene where there's little risk just because we
think we know better. But that's how kids learn, I think, to judge risk
appropriately themselves. That's a skill worth taking some risks to acquire.
Received on Fri May 30 2003 - 12:18:20 EDT

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