Re: [Discuss-sudbury-model] The problem is balance . . .

From: Heidi Crane <>
Date: Sun Mar 2 23:05:00 2003

thanks Tom

I have looked into TCS a bit, and can't agree with their thinking, that
children should never have to do anything they don't want to do. Chores,
activities that are necessary for the running of the family... everyone has
to do those, like it or not. I want them to be workers, and learn from the
work they "have" to do. Meaningful, real work that is important to them and
important to their family and their community. I didn't read very far in
TCS, and maybe need to do that. And I'll check out the other link you've

But...making rules for the family and voting on them. I have no problem with
that. This way, we have family government that everyone is agreed upon, and
it isn't just a "go ahead and do whatever you want" kind of thing. It is "Do
whatever you want, within the rules we agreed on" and discussing the rules a
couple times a month. Adjusting as needed. Giving respect to each person who
has something to say. It is an improvement on what we were doing before:
uptight and frustrated all the time, because the kids were exploring things
and using things and not putting things back even though mom and dad told
them to over and over again and not enjoying the kids in the slightest
because they were all the time disobeying us...ugh.

well, thanks for the input. I hope all my thinking aloud isn't making people

peace, Heidi

>From: Tom Hall <>
>Subject: Re: [Discuss-sudbury-model] The problem is balance . . .
>Date: Sun, 02 Mar 2003 19:44:58 -0500
>Heidi wrote:
>>Yes, I agree. Peter's answer was most helpful. We're trying to find a
>>balance. In fact, we're going to be having regular family meetings,
>>modeled after Sudbury school meetings, as read about on the website. Maybe
>>not weekly, but at least two times per month. Fully democratic. No rule
>>goes into effect without unanimity. Well, with only five people a simple
>>majority is...well, we parents are going to be voted down, eh? LOL So that
>>family life doesn't get overrun by individual lives.
>One thing that you might want to consider is that the democratic processes
>that are so necessary and useful in a large organization like a school, may
>not be so necessary or useful for a small group like a family. TCS and
>Common Preference Parenting may give you some ideas of a different way of
>parenting that's much more in line with the SVS ideas about autonomy and
>non-coercive learning when you are dealing with a family environment.

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Received on Sun Mar 02 2003 - 23:04:49 EST

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