DSM: anger (was: teenagedom)

From: morticia crone (medea9mac@surfeu.de)
Date: Mon Jan 21 2002 - 03:02:58 EST


hi joe!

>>Seriously, I've never considered anger to be something wrong or painful
or afraid of (despite what our parents might have taught us). On the
contrary, what screws people up is when they learn to be afraid of it
imo, e.g. passive-aggressive (which drives me absolutely crazy) and
repressed anger.<<

being afraid of anger is definitely a sign that something's not working with
expression of anger,

but i wonder, do you think that people may sometimes express anger out of
misunderstanding?

suppose you think you recognize such an expression, would you support the
release of anger as is, or would you consider that it might be helpful to
question the origin of the anger?

see, if help is not wanted then it's not help to begin with (i always
say...meaning that forcing help on someone isn't helpful), but if i think
one of my kids is really pissed about something that i feel pretty certain
or even suspect might actually be coming from a misunderstanding, then i'll
ask and question. they give me the low down, and either they are pissed at
that at which they are ranting, or they think about it. we've gone from
total frustration to laughter in a fraction of a second this way.

i'm saying that i think anger has it's place and is fine in and of itself.
but i also think that learning to recognize what has inspired our anger is a
beeline for understanding ourselves - this is in no way to say that the
anger should be repressed, just understood if at all possible and wished
for.

so my point is that anger can be misplaced, i.e. projected onto something or
someone that is not the source, and it can also be the result of a
misunderstanding (these are just two observations, of course it can be much
more). in both cases, i personally find it helpful to get behind the anger
and learn from it. if i can be instrumental in helping someone else, i.e.
my children, do the same, and they find it equally beneficial, then i am all
the more happy.

looking forward to hearing from you,

~morticia :-)~

===========

If you wish to be removed from this mailing list, please send an email TO
majordomo@sudval.org (do NOT reply to the mailing list) with the following
phrase in the BODY (not the subject) of the message, replacing
"email@host.dom" with the email address that you subscribed under:

unsubscribe discuss-sudbury-model email@host.dom

If you are interested in the subject, but the volume of mail sent is too much,
you may wish to consider unsubscribing from this list and subscribing to
"dsm-digest"

This mailing list is archived at http://www.sudval.org/~sdg/archives



This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0.0 : Wed Mar 27 2002 - 19:39:49 EST