DSM: Re: trust and censorship

From: Ann Ide (ann.ide@rcn.com)
Date: Fri Dec 07 2001 - 12:39:43 EST


Hi, Morticia,

I don't know how to do this privately. Besides, others could find it interesting. It does relate to our discussion, actually. Yes, fears can irrationally fixate in the subconcious- as can a lot of other misunderstandings that can form into standing, sometimes unconcious beliefs from which we act and live by....sometimes for a lifetime! It's very powerful. So the question of if and when we should censor isn't so easy. I didn't mean to imply that I don't ever censor. That instance with Jesse and Poltergeist happened against my wishes and that's how it all panned out. So I was just pondering on it out loud with you. I did not use any NLP "techniques" with him. (Off topic, please excuse. I have found it difficult to do with my own children. Best done as an objective observer of a subjective experience. Hard as a mom to stay objective. But out of desperation from being able to find anyone else to help, I just recently tried the getting rid of phobias process with Kenny to rid him of his fears of trying new foods. We're still working on it. I'm hopeful. For those who don't know, Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is a methodology for modelling out what creates ones' subjective experience through sensory representations and language. One can decipher how one thinks,feels, and behaves and then re-program it, if desired.) He must have un-learned his fear , so to speak, through experience. Obviously, that can work, too. Don't always need "therapy".

So, I still don't know if and when I should censor!!! Just do my best and then deal with it at this point. (Guess what, I still don't like swimming in deep water, either!)

Ann
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: morticia crone
  To: discuss-sudbury-model@sudval.org
  Sent: Friday, December 07, 2001 4:21 AM
  Subject: DSM: trust and censorship

  hi joe,

  *My approach has never been to censor communication from my children. I
  believe shielding kids from manipulative and agenda-filled communication
  (especially advertising) deprives them of the information presented,
  deprives them the opportunity to learn for themselves that they are
  undergoing a sales job (thanks to no censorship, my children now pick up
  on that in about 30 seconds), and quite simply deprives them the
  opportunity to live in a world filled with people trying to manipulate
  them.*

  wow, this is heavy. i know some others have represented a similar view, and it is a very compelling argument. more trust that they will work it out for their own best and less fear that they will unwittingly be duped. don't get me wrong, my bible was the continuum concept - i have great faith in my kids, but i think there can always be more room for less fear. so thank you all for these thoughts. however, joe, i don't suspect that your non-censorship of tv advertising was solely responsible for your children's ability to recognize a con job. i think the base must be far broader and that it has to do with you and wife's style of parenting as a whole, and please add to this. i am very curious.

  hi ann,
  sure i got over it - on the surface - but like i said in my other post - if i can't see my feet when swimming in a murky lake, the irrational fears play with my consciousness. and since you're in with NLP then you must know that the stresses we receive fixate themselves until they can be released. did you use your knowledge of NLP to help *deprogram* your 6 year old last year? why or why not? (off-list if you don't think it fits.) i didn't do anything to get over it, not consciously. everybody just dealt with it. if my eyes were covered carrie would reach through the floor and grab me. so my eyes couldn't be covered, ever. no amount of rational discussion could change the effect those films had on me at that time in my life. i think it is dangerous to underestimate the power of fear. i don't know when that stopped. this made getting dressed and undressed a challenge. my brother used to drive me to school every day when i was six, on the back of his motorcycle, on the freeway. he did pop-o-wheelies and accelerated suddenly, putting the fear of death into me - because i loved it. one situation i was in control of, the other i wasn't.

  cheers,
          ~morticia~

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