Re: DSM: Re: Re: Re: sudbury in the home

From: morticia crone (
Date: Wed Dec 05 2001 - 04:34:50 EST


there has been research done to show that watching teevee and how the eye
and brain react to it (different than when watching a video) can be very
hazardous to the brain and social conditioning. i think the english title
of an apparently very well researched book would be: the frozen stare, by
rainer patzlaff (der gefrorene blick - deutsch). in our house it is a rule
that we don't watch tv or videos while guests are over. they are never at a
loss for what to do. tv is for rainy sundays kinda thing. my girls know
that they are not allowed to watch commercials, and they understand why. so
when they do watch tv which is mostly on weekends (an hour maybe) they turn
off the sound and do something else while waiting for the commercials to be
over. here they tend to show five-ten minutes of commercials less often so
we have found this approach works.

Romey wrote:
It's definitely rule-based, but not necessarily democratic.

i think rules are necessary because they encourage clarity. even if rules
have never been openly discussed (hi liz!) they are there since there is an
underlying structure to all interaction. i bet if you took a vote as to
whether or not there should be rules at all, it would be unanimously in
favour of them. (you'd have to be creative in coming up with example
situations for them to decide whether or not rules should exist.) i think
kids recognize that rules help them to discover and test their own boundries
and limits and play a part in their sense of safety.

ann wrote:
I hate having to come up with consequences for breaking the rules. Can't
always come up with something that's logical.

this is a very good point. consequences need to follow natural laws; if
they aren't associated with the actual rule-breaking then i think the child
will see the consequences as arbitrary and unfair, whereas when they
naturally follow the kids may not like them, but they see them as cause and

- I ask them to "play" first for a while. I influence. Can't help it!
i would suggest creating a new rule. asking them to play is that sort of
wishy washy behaviour i was talking about in another post. you really don't
want them to watch tv, but you allow it, against your better judgement; they
want to but also get a guilty feeling going because they know that you are
agreeing to it against your will. i would be clear about what you think
about tv, and especially tv when guests are over. a word of caution: i
think one thing kids hate most is when rules suddenly materialize; if you do
choose to add a similar rule to your household, then i would suggest first
making clear that the situation is unacceptable to you, and together you've
got to work on a solution that will be satisfying for all. again, it is you
influencing the children into changing the status quo, but you can remind
them that it's your home too and you've got rights too, and besides that
you've got a responsibility to look out for your kids.




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