DSM: Re: Adult interference

From: morticia crone (medea9mac@surfeu.de)
Date: Fri Jun 01 2001 - 03:30:31 EDT


THANK YOU both for your info! i will check them out! :) liz, i thought it
very funny how you deal with name calling. i usually just say, "well, are
you?" A: "no" and before i can say, "well, OK" my kids are usually wandering
off. this doesn't address issues of hurt feelings, but i figure that if
there's something more than tattling going on then they'll tell me. i am
eager to try song though! :)

as to the issue of responsibility for self, i thought i would add that i
don't feel that responsibility for self can be taught *into* a person,
because it is innate, but it can be taught *out of* them. if you take jean
liedloff's example from The Continuum Concept regarding expectation (as in,
whatever you expect of your child expressed through body language, conscious
or unconscious directives, etc. your child will tend to try and meet these
expectations in order to please you, often equally unconsciously), then you
can apply it to responsibility for self as well. if parents assume that
children will not recognize their responsibility for themselves or their
actions, then we are subtly sending the message that we expect them not to
and the children will consequently recognize that our words belie our
underlying signals. i'm not trying to open the "nature vs. nurture" can of
worms; i'm just saying that the schools, even the SVM schools, aren't solely
responsible for how or the extent to which our children develop an awareness
of their own sense of responsibility of self. it can be subtly hindered in
the home, well meaning as we all are. (i am no exception.)

sincerely,
morticia

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