Re: DSM: Re: RE: Family vs. Community

From: Dawn F. Harkness (dawn@harkness.net)
Date: Tue May 01 2001 - 15:48:25 EDT


Kolleen,

At the risk of seeming insensitive, I would point out that you haven't
answered my question (although you have explained to me what some of the
salient issues are for your son.) The thing is, you have written to this
list serve asking which is more a more important value to us, a relationship
with a parent or a Sudbury model education. I think our values in this
matter are irrelevant. I think the best person to weigh these values is
your son. So that's why I asked the question I asked. I am a big believer
in asking children how they would make even the tough choices in their
lives, since they are, after all, their lives. I also think this is
entirely consistent with the Sudbury model of education which entrusts kids
to direct their own lives.

I would spell out to him exactly what options he has available and see how
he would decide. I would be clear with him that homeschooling apparently is
not an option under any circumstance so just take it off the table. Since
your son cannot have both a Sudbury education and his father living close
by, a tough choice needs to be made: a) living in close proximity with his
father but enrolling in a non-Sudbury school or b) enrolling in a Sudbury
school but not living in close proximity to his father. There is value in
both choices. Which path does he want to take? Since you are apparently
willing to be flexible on this, I would do whatever he chooses.

I would also point out that this is a decision which all three of you will
constantly be re-evaluating as the years pass. The right decision for you
now may not be the right option for you later. As others have already
said, this is a tough decision, and I wish you all the best in making it.

Dawn

-----Original Message-----
From: MssKolleen@aol.com <MssKolleen@aol.com>
To: discuss-sudbury-model@sudval.org <discuss-sudbury-model@sudval.org>
Date: Tuesday, May 01, 2001 11:38 AM
Subject: Re: DSM: Re: RE: Family vs. Community

In a message dated 5/1/01 7:52:19 AM, dawn@harkness.net writes:

<<Kolleen,

What does the child want more, to be at a Sudbury school or to be near his

father?

Dawn>>

Dawn,
The child wants Sudbury or none at all. He *truly* wants to be a family
again, but since Dad won't move from the area, not even an hour or so
north
its not going to happen.

If I move back, I will have to work - so homeschooling or unschooling isn't
an option.

Kolleen

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