Re: DSM: Hashing out philosophy
Wed, 7 Mar 2001 21:18:01 EST


There is a really good solution for your problem: start a boy's school! They
just are not born with such instinctive cleverness at hurting others . . .

Of course, with our own kids life is much harder, because there is so much
emotional impact on us and from us. It is an iota easier with other people's

And a home is not a school. (And, most important, vice versa.) But all
that aside, I think every one of us makes mistakes and does it right and does
it right and makes mistakes. And the fact is that there is no way to be
perfect. (Clearly, as you saw today, because nothing worked as you wanted it
too. Nothing that you did made you comfortable or your daughter
comfortable.) You just keep doing the best you can and hope that the kids
model your behavior eventually. Some days you feel like strangling them, but
you never actually do, so you triumph partially even on those days!

I know, I know. On this list you are not allowed to say "sometimes you feel
like strangling them". But of course it is a huge exaggeration, and
hopefully people still have a sense of humor.

If none of these kids were mine, I would file a complaint. But a lot of
other people wouldn't. It will not take long, in school, for a 4 year old
girl to think filing a complaint -- or threatening to do so -- is cool. A
cool, impartial adult can mention it. Mommy can't.


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