Mon, 5 Feb 2001 22:17:17 EST
I agree exactly, precisely and completely.
When I spoke of the "pain of losing control", I was refering to the loss of
the one's fantasies of being a parent. I was speaking of the disorientation
of moving from being a parent to being a person; moving from being in a role
to being in a relationship. It is, I believe, much more powerful and useful
to the child to be in a realtionship, rather than responding to a role.
And then I think you spoke the high water mark of the theory and the practice
of Sudbury Valley. You said:
"Respected children usually respect their parents and other adults because in
stead of resisting them with all their might they are relaxed with them and
thus are open to
appreciate their good qualities (as well as their faults)."
The above is a description of a person (the child) who has appreciation for
both good qualities and faults. The respected child is so strong and powerful
and secure, that they respond with appreciation to both good qualities and
faults. Faced with the faults and difficulties of others they do not attack
them, nor do they defend against them. By deeply respecting the child,
Sudbury Valley has allowed the child to create a new way of being. Much will
be said of this new way of being. But what is known now is that it is beyond
attack and defend. It is a different answer to the question: "What shall we
do with the faults and difficulties of others?" It appears that the answer
will be that we will appreciate the person, their faults and their
difficulties. The brilliance of Sudbury Valley will be that they have allowed
a person to become so stong in themselves that they can actually do that.
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