DSM: Re: About offering something (was: dancing)

Alan Klein (Alan@klein.net)
Fri, 19 Jan 2001 21:09:51 -0500

Recently I saw "Oh Brother Where Art Thou?". based on my relationship with
him, I had a feeling that my son would like it. I "offered" the idea to him.

He got hooked by the election aftermath. Knowing that I couldn't resist a
hanging chad, he "offered" to discuss the issues with me at various times.

My wife read a book recently that she liked. She "offered" that I might like
to read it, as well.

My friends are "West Wing" junkies. They brought a video of it over to our
house and "offered" it to us.

My point is that we do, indeed, make such offers to others.

----- Original Message -----
From: Marko Koskinen <marko@vapaus.net>
To: <discuss-sudbury-model@aramis.sudval.org>
Sent: Thursday, January 18, 2001 9:09 AM
Subject: DSM: About offering something (was: dancing)

> > I believe that offers are OK so long as "no" is always allowed.
> I try to make this short because this issue has been discussed in many
> occasions. The key is that why would you want to "offer" something? If
> you truly trust your children, you don't need to "offer" TO them
> anything, you can just enjoy living WITH them. People learn all the time
> from what they see and sense with their senses and when you "offer"
> something, you're telling the child that "this thing that I'm offering
> is more important than what you're choosing for yourself" and "I am
> wiser than you and that's why I am allowed to 'offer' you these ideas".
> Both of these are coersive because they make the child feel that what
> she chooses for herself is not that important and that the motivation
> should come from outside, and thus the child creates herself some inner
> coersive patterns.
> I believe the idea of offering things is very similar to the idea of
> education, and as I believe that no externally motivated education can
> be uncoersive, I can't see how the "offering" could benefit the child.
> Marko Koskinen
> Finland

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