Re: DSM: About offering something (was: dancing)


Prohibido1@aol.com
Fri, 19 Jan 2001 19:30:03 EST


In a message dated 1/19/01 6:03:39 PM Eastern Standard Time, marko@vapaus.net
writes:

> If
> you truly trust your children, you don't need to "offer" TO them
> anything, you can just enjoy living WITH them. People learn all the time
> from what they see and sense with their senses and when you "offer"
> something, you're telling the child that "this thing that I'm offering
> is more important than what you're choosing for yourself" and "I am
> wiser than you and that's why I am allowed to 'offer' you these ideas".

I think it's all in the "attitude." You can offer and then you can OFFER.
Respect doesn't negate interaction. Children offer each other things/
experiences all of the time. Why is it not okay for adultsto make offers to
children? My child makes me offers. I say yes or no. The same is then
good for me is it not? Equal footing is equal footing. Respect is respect,
no matter what side it comes from. It's all good.

I agree that there is a fine line between offering and coercing. The key for
me is, I look inside myself. If "I" want it for my child, then I don't
offer. If I offer with no agenda in mind, or if "no" doesn't bother me.



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