DSM: Ответ: DSM: RE: pre-Sudbury parental coduc

Anna Babina (annababina@yandex.ru)
Thu, 11 Jan 2001 14:24:28 +0300

I also Love discussing this sort of things.
I strongly believe that children want to see all the world happy. I also
believe that even a little baby acts conciously and can
make a serious choice. We can get the same result by punishment and by
cooperating. In first case the kid will decide that she'd better do as
mother says or... In the second case the child will find it important to do
so to make mother happy. It's not manipulation.
Example. My son is nearly 11 months now. When his first teeth were going to
appear (4 months) he bit my breast terribly. Women know what it's like. I
said firm "don't"s, my mother said she slapped my face or bottom in these
cases but it didn't help. But once I simply started crying and told my son
that I feel so unhappy. I did it three times and he never bit me anymore
though he chews everything in the house. If he feels discomfort in the dents
he stops eating bites a pillow or something else and only after that

-----Исходное сообщение-----
От: BrownCM@aol.com <BrownCM@aol.com>
Кому: discuss-sudbury-model@aramis.sudval.org
Дата: 10 января 2001 г. 17:50
Тема: Re: DSM: RE: pre-Sudbury parental conduct

>-----Original Message-----
> From: cathy@indra.com [mailto:cathy@indra.com]
> So how does one treat a baby when one espouses the philosophy of Sudbury?
> Do you clap and say "Good job!" when the baby hits the peg on the head or
> goes potty, or do you just look at them stony-faced? Somewhere in the
> middle, I would think, but what is that? I'm interested in hearing how
> people who have been through this with their own babies have experienced
> ---
>Before having a child, I always said that I couldn't wait to see what I
>actually _did_ as a parent, given my strong beliefs in the Sudbury model
>all its implications for child-rearing. I always knew that it's one thing
>say one "should" do this or that, and another when you're actually dealing
>with your own kids. I was very curious to see what that "other" thing would
>be with my kids. A year and a half ago I had my first child, and it's been
>educational, all right! I think about these kinds of questions all the time
>and try to pay very close attention to my interactions with my son. It's
>important to me that I be respectful of him in all ways, that I support him
>in being himself completely, that I give him room to grow along with love
>But okay, I admit it, I'm not perfect at it. The other day he was eating
>Hershey's Kisses one after another, which I was not thrilled about, but had
>only myself to blame for leaving them right there on the coffee table, and
>after he had opened and eaten about four he started asking me to open them
>for him. And I actually said, "If you can open them yourself then you have
>do that - I don't want to help you eat those." Oy!
>The good news is that I'm pretty good about catching myself. About one
>after I refused to help him open the kisses I remembered being a staff
>in an SM school, where the practice reflected a genuine value of mine -
>if someone asks for help, _you give it_. Duh. So I opened as many kisses as
>he wanted, silently vowing that I'd learned my lesson and would never leave
>large quantities of chocolate lying aroung again.
>Now as for cheering the peg being hit on the head - I have noticed that
>are plenty of times when I join in the "hurrah!" of victory with him, which
>might look like praising him but is really pretty different. If he's
>really hard at hitting that peg (this is just the kind of thing he works
>at), finally gets it and exclaims with pride, it is a completely gut
>on my part to rejoice with him. I usually say things like "wahoo!" or "wow,
>you got it!" rather than, "good job - can you do it again?" But, it is true
>that I will have to be ever-vigilant to make sure that he does not begin to
>take my reaction as the true reward for hitting the peg on the head. When
>adults interact with kids they always have to be aware of the power and
>status relationships that can produce this kind of unintended consequence.
>Forgive my tome - as I said, I love to think about this sort of thing, and
>am very interested to hear other people's thoughts.

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