RE: DSM: Re: Subtle Coercion?

Scott Gray (
Mon, 8 Jan 2001 14:25:50 -0500 (EST)

Hi Melissa,

Scott Gray from Sudbury Valley here.

There are many circumstances, in life in which giving an honest assessment
is rude. Maybe it's my Yankee background, but if someone has expressed an
inclination for or against an activity, I don't think it is my place to
second-guess that inclination.

I wouldn't want to tell someone that "I think it is very important and
character building to keep pets," after that person had expressed a lack
of interest in keeping pets. I don't think that I am being dishonest by
choosing to be polite and hold my tongue.

If I stated, out loud, every thought which ever flitted through my mind,
people I know would not call that "honesty," they would call that "lack of
discretion." I dare you to find one adult who is _not_ thought rude, who
actually openly expresses _every_ heartfelt opinion that s/he holds; real
people pick and choose what to say and whom to say it to based upon
whether it would be appropriate.

On Mon, 8 Jan 2001, Melissa Tyson wrote:

> But that's why I don't agree with you. If I value reading for some reason
> she has been unable to think of and if I fail to express this to her I am
> lax and dishonest in that I have withheld a heartfelt opinion from my
> friend. If I try to force her to read that's another thing, but giving her
> my honest assessment, that I think she's missing out and might like to give
> it a try is not what I consider a violation of her will, student or
> otherwise. She doesn't have to read just because I said so. Her freedom
> lies in being able to turn it down. This was the orginal point.
> >From: "Joe Jackson" <>
> > > I would like to hear more about your view of this as an inappropriate
> > > staff - student interaction. It sounds perfectly reasonable to
> > > me.
> >
> >I think it would be solidly in the gray area if she had not used the
> >phrase,
> >"she has little interest in reading." If a student says that it's a Prima
> >Facie statement of the student's volition.
> >
> >-JJ
> >
> _________________________________________________________________
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--Scott David Gray
reply to:
In the last analysis sound judgement will prevail.

-- Joseph Cannon

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