Re: DSM: Re: Subtle Coercion?

Melissa Tyson (
Sun, 07 Jan 2001 18:03:59 -0000

In being honest with yourself. If you believe a thing is true you want
others to believe it also and you go about trying to convince them. If, in
the case of children, you deliberately put a clamp on your beliefs so as not
to coerce them you are being equally manipulative in that which is being

Here's an example: I have an adult friend who recently told me she has
little interest in reading. I balked at this as I find it quite sad and
offered that she try some children's books which are easier and which I
frequently read myself. She did not ask me if I knew any good ones or if I
knew where she could get one, but I took the initiative and offered "The
Giver" as I'd read it recently and really enjoyed it. She took it and read
it and liked it of her own volition. Hers was the freedom to choose to read
it or not to read it. It had nothing to do with my not making the
suggestion for fear of forcing her into it. That would have been absurd.

Anyway, like it or not you are in control of these children's lives.
They've been granted a freedom by you who hold the power to grant it and who
have the right to choose. You parents who decide SVS is a good place for
them and you staff/others who decide to allow them in.

Also, I'm not trying to slam your model, I think it's a good one and surely
the best I've seen so far. But the more I think about it the more I find
I'm at odds with myself over it. There are many imperfections. That is


>From: Sam Senteney <> >Reply-To: >To: >Subject: Re: DSM: Re: Subtle Coercion? >Date: Sat, 06 Jan 2001 21:32:54 -0800 > >Ouch! How unfortunate your relationships must be! Please speak for >yourself and not include others by default in your dim view of human >relationships. While I admit to frequent attempts at persuading others >that my way is the best way, they usually begin with " I think that", "I >feel that", "When that happens, I", as opposed to "You should". Telling >others what you think or how you feel something should be, is not >dishonest. I am not following the connection between someone being >coercive and not having an honest relationship. Is someone who tells you >they are trying to coerce you therefore not being honest? > > >At 03:57 AM 1/7/01 +0000, you wrote: >>People aren't honest in their adult relationships either and they >>constantly go around trying to coerce each other into thinking the same >>way they do themselves so I doubt that that would work at all. >> >> >>>From: "Joe Jackson" <> >>>Reply-To: >>>To: <> >>>Subject: DSM: RE: RE: RE: RE: Subtle Coercion? >>>Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2001 22:31:25 -0500 >>> >>>There is an oft-repeated axiom among much of the folks at various Sudbury >>>schools I have been totally fortunate to associate with, that a good >>>guideline for finding that "fuzzy line" between leading a child and >>>walking >>>alongside is: Is what I'm saying to her something I would say to an >>>adult >>>casual acquaintance? >>> >>>In other words, I would not walk up to an adult that I had known for a >>>short >>>time and say, "Hey, I noticed you working with a calculator yesterday. >>>You >>>know, there's this great book on mathematics in the library." >>> >>>I might, however, walk up to a casual acquaintance and say, "Was that xyz >>>I >>>saw you reading the yesterday? Oh, how do you like it? I read her other >>>book, zyx." etc. >>> >>>Knowing and being honest with yourself regarding your intention when you >>>speak to a student is likewise important. Avoiding the "seduction of the >>>teachable moment". :) >>> >>>-JJ >> >>_________________________________________________________________ >>Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at

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