Re: DSM: question from Robert

Allan Saugstad (
Fri, 17 Nov 2000 14:06:29 -0800

Robert said to me ;

> In your own sense, is there a wisdom, an instinctive trust in your
> love for
> your child that gives yourself permission to let go. Or, do you
> put the
> handcuffs on yourself and pop nitroglycerine pills?

When I watch my children experience the utter joy of being alive, truly
alive without conditioning, I am inspired. When I feel my own intellect
telling me that they should stop throwing the book, yelling so loud,
etc., it is my love and respect for them that hears the folly of my
words and helps me bite my tongue. So yeah, in a sense, I do need to
wear handcuffs some of the time, even while love is present. The
conditioning within me has been there for 33 years, and is not going
away that easily.

However, when I truly spend quality time with my kids, that is, I am
truly playing with them, experiencing with them, thinking only about the
now, our interaction, and our love, my intellect is nowhere in sight.
The should nots and must nots don't enter my mind; it's an incredibly
freeing experience; the greatest lesson I have learned as a parent.

I still have some problems though. For example, in reality life is very
busy and the kids often outnumber us, both physically and emotionally. A
little order or routine seems to help us all. When we try to set up
rules around cleaning up or regular meal times, we are all happier. The
kids enjoy being home more when the floor is clean and they can find
their toys and have room to dance, and the routine of meals brings us
together to talk and share our day. So in my mind these routines make
sense in an intellectual way but not in a "heart" way. What do you


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