Re: DSM: Re: [heartlight] Sexuality and Heartlight

Marko Koskinen (
Fri, 17 Nov 2000 16:19:44 +0200

It is very hard in nowadays society to tell what sex is or should be all
about. Well, one thing is sure that it has to do with reproduction. And
another thing is that it is a very powerful force.

But in addition to those two things I can't really tell what it is. I
can tell I want to be close to people. I can tell I want to be listened
to and appreciated. I can tell I want to have fun and learn new things.
But I cannot tell if I really would want to have sex with someone.

That's because already in my early childhood I've understood that sex is
the only way people can really be close to each other. And that has
created a tremendous conflict in my mind. I've sought for sex while I
should've sought for closeness.

We in western cultures try to replace most of our real needs with sex.
Love, closeness, tenderness, even kindness. It is a very mixed up
society we live in.

Then there's the question about sexuality. What a weird concept. I
relate it much to the common concepts like ADD. Homosexuality,
bisexuality and others. Just concepts with no real value. Their only
meaning is to seperate people from each other and create higher and
higher walls around us.

Peoples behaviour is based on their construction of reality including
all the conflicts in their world view. People have a weird way of
showing their conflicts - they repeat the behaviour which is in conflict
with their innate understanding of the bening reality thus trying to get
attention to discharge the conflict and to go on living their full and
happy lives.

I believe that homosexuality is nothing else than people of same sex
wanting closeness from each other, which is totally natural. The sex
part is actually just cultural misunderstanding. I'm not stating that
people of same sex should have no sexual contact with each other, not at
all. I'm stating that it's just not an inborn need, it's a thing that is
learnt and thus can also be unlearnt. And once again I don't mean that
there is something wrong in homosexuality, I'm stating that there is no
such thing as different sexualities.

I believe it's totally natural for young people to play with their own
genitals and with others as well and thus find out about themselves and
the differences between boys and girls. And I believe that all the
misunderstandings about sexuality come from these plays or the lack of
them. Usually when adults show some disapproval of such plays, it is
easy for the child to interprit the situation so that there is something
wrong with me and that I'm a bad boy or a girl because I'm interested in
my genitals.

There are many emotions and conflicts included in sexuality. Most common
ones I guess are shame and loneliness. I believe the experiences that
have created such emotions and conflicts go to the early childhood when
children become naturally curious about their genitals. That's why many
people say different sexualities are genetic because they can't really
remember the things that have created their shame or the
misunderstandings of sexuality.

And in this society it is very hard for people labeled as homosexuals,
bisexuals, pedosexuals or some other bizarre label, to feel proud and
appreciated which are the prerequisites for changing ones thinking and
world view.

So, the conclusion for my talk... =) Sex and sexuality are very
complicated issues that are very hard to comprehend with intellect, as
Robbert stated. But I believe that if we are able to discharge our
emotions and conflicts around early sexual memories enough, we might
eventually understand what it is all about. Meanwhile, I encourage all
you people to have playful sex with your loved ones, and enjoy and
cherish your bodies, for they are all yours.


This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sat Nov 18 2000 - 01:55:50 EST