DSM: Re: [heartlight] Sexuality and Heartlight

Robert Swanson (robertswanson@icehouse.net)
Thu, 16 Nov 2000 11:43:28 -0800

Thanks Jim for your courage to speak (see below).

What a wonderful topic, really. Here is one of the most explicit
demonstrations of intellect's failure to control nature. Instead of
controlling, it screws things up. Experiencing an intimate knowing of
another is forfeit for an experience of masturbating on another. The result
of this misbehavior is association of sex with violence and domination and
slut. Intellect makes grotesque what was a most beautiful thing of intimacy
and joy. But its ok, the intellect has a solution: RUN, HIDE. Standard
operation when it comes to emotions.

Just look at the advertisements, tv shows and movies - sex equated with
violence, danger, noncommunication. The correct modeling would show sex
equated with everything but violence. Sex is relative to beauty, feelings,
compassion, understanding, safety, peace, closeness, tenderness, patience,
joy, support, friendship, communication, community, imagination/creativity,
and integrity of heart-mind-creativity-action.

I seriously doubt change can occur suddenly. I do believe change can occur
rapidly through deliberately shaping behavior. Begin by learning a
vocabulary of feelings. Then use the vocabulary expressing feelings. Then
use honesty to express the discord between thought and feeling. Then make a
big show of joining intent to evolve behavior congruent with nonviolence and
congruent with expression of feelings (E.g., create sororities covering
various topics with congruency being the focus of conversation). Once status
quo is this congruency students will understand the suggestion that when
they choose to have sex they might consider how these tools can augment the
experience, perhaps to amazing levels.

I also seriously doubt that students will generate a congruent feeling
vocabulary without deliberate influence. I see absolutely no one modeling
such languaging on a day to day basis. (How often do SVS students speak from
internal feelings rather than as an association with an event???) One has to
spend $50 for an hour with a counselor. Tell me, how are students going to
pick it up unless we put on the counselor's hat each day?

No, we don't talk about sex from some text book. We don't say sex is
fertilization. We don't say sex is dangerous or warn that it might cause
pregnancy (personally, I don't believe there is a disease called pregnancy).
These are items to talk about separately from the congruent behavior of
being considerate with another human being intimately (sex). Separately
there may be interest in knowing how likely is pregnancy, how does pregnancy
happen, how to support it or to delay it, and how to maintain health in
regard to sexual behavior. All these are positive IDEAS to associate with
the BEHAVIOR of sex.

To emphasize the point -- Model the beautiful aspects of people cooperating
from congruency, and youth will have an operational plan when it comes to
taking these skills to a new level.

hot under the collar,

[Funny, I just heard Paul Harvey quote experts saying how important is brain
development in the first three years. They suggest that if we studied
development we might be able to do something about it. Well, I believe I
understand there are 300,000 research papers a year. Read any?]

on 11/15/00 11:28 AM, Jim Fritz at quantumjf@earthlink.net wrote:
> We, at this Heartlight site, have gone into endless detail about
> substance, structure, modeling, credentialing, measuring and God knows
> what else but guess what we have studiously ignored and even avoided.
> Human sexual behavior. Sexuality is a critically essential reality
> of the human condition. Most educational systems range from either
> pretending it doesn't exist to getting into endless details on the
> plumbing (mechanical details of anatomy) but virtually NONE appear
> to get into the spiritual aspect of sexuality as in the "connecting"
> element of souls through sexuality as a means and not an end in
> itself. Physical maturation is happening at earlier and earlier ages
> for progressively larger number of young females who are starting
> menses as early as 9 years of age. Scientifically we don't know why!
> That is just ONE element that is recently changing in this area.
> In my 66 years, I have had a total of 42 years of intimate
> relationships with females (in three primary relationships). The
> average American has 2.8 sexual couplings per week. Multiply that
> times 42 years times 52 weeks times 2.8 and 6115 appears. For me, TWO
> of those times resulted in producing offspring. QUESTION: WHAT were
> the other 6113 times about??? I believe it is about souls connecting,
> or trying to, through sexuality.
> I have not had a chance to keep up with ALL of the emails relative to
> the Heartlight School Development so I might have missed this element
> if it has been discussed. If so, perhaps someone can direct me to
> those emails that took a shot at this one. I am concerned that human
> sexuality has been virtually ignored, as in pretending that such an
> element does not exist in the lives of young humans (10-15 years of
> age) at a time when their sexuality is MOST highly charged of their
> entire lives. In practice, the "Just say no" mentality (in whatever
> form it might manifest) is sheer lunacy bordering on criminal neglect
> in its negative impact. If Sudbury or ANY other model deals with human
> sexuality in the learning environment openly, honestly with FULL
> awareness in behavior as well as theory, I would certainly like to
> know about it. Even Sudbury, (as I have listened to the tapes) tends
> to have a "don't do it" orientation. YES, it is probably one of the
> most EXPLOSIVE issues in our society and a cause for enormous
> controversy and that tends to bring about a anger, confrontation,
> embarrassment, shyness or outright ignoring/avoidance of looking at
> what is/is not being done about this critical facet of human reality.
> That attitude is creating endless and enormous havoc and violence in
> our culture. If we don't start to meet the challenge in a Heartlight
> system, who will and when? Neale Donald Walsch talks extensively
> about sexuality in all 5 books of the with God Series. For those who
> have read the book Summerhill (published about 40 years ago) the way
> in which the sexuality element was dealt with caused MUCH flap!
> I would invite the rest of you to speak out on this issue. What are
> your thoughts?

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