Re: DSM: public school prisons (sharing the SVS model, etc.)

Rick Stansberger (
Wed, 15 Nov 2000 09:22:34 -0700

Thanks, Marko! This is very useful.


Marko Koskinen wrote:

> Rick,
> I think I know exactly what you mean. It is quite a frustrating task to
> do. I have been trying to sell the idea in the education markets here in
> Finland and I've come to a conclusion that you really shouldn't "try to
> sell" it. The most effective way to change people's thinking is to fully
> respect them and listen to them. You may first introduce some fresh
> ideas and then start listening. People usually can keep on telling you
> how wrong you are and how impossible your ideas are. You mustn't argue,
> just listen. It may take a while, but at least I've had some good
> experiences doing it.
> I've had much help from RC (Re-evaluation Counseling) for my efforts in
> listening to people. I have still much to do to be able to respect all
> people fully, but that's the goal.
> When people are respected and listened to, they will listen in turn and
> are able to change their thinking. But it must be you who must respect
> first because you want to change the thinking of the other person.
> Just as we must respect the children, we must respect and trust the
> adults too. Adults are no worse than children, they just have a bit more
> stuff inside their heads, and it takes a lot more respect and trust to
> change the thinking and behaviour of an adult than it takes for a child.
> I believe the NVC (Non-Violent Communication) is also a useful tool for
> finding new ways to communicate with "difficult people".
> Marko Koskinen
> Finland
> > This is very discouraging to me. I know you don't mean it to be. But I've
> > found parents to be very difficult to reach when it comes to how they relate to
> > their children, because that seems to be where they put all the unresolved
> > problems and conflicts from their own childhoods. Lots of irrationality and
> > knee-jerk response when you head into that area.
> >
> > If it's just a matter of spreading a new idea, that's not all that hard to do.
> > But when the idea hits at the core of someone's existence and demands them to go
> > through painful self-examination and change, it's no wonder that Mimsy said that
> > parents who worried about their children in a Sudbury school were beyond help.
> > It looks as if we're permanently limited to a small market.
> >
> > So in selling the idea of our new school, I can continually expect to come up
> > against the irrational programming and "old stuff" type of issues in the parents
> > I talk to? I hate the thought of just letting them go and looking for the few
> > who are ready to have independent children. Any suggestions?

"Weirdness abounds and shatters our illusion of order.  Heh-heh.  All the
dust is being blown out from under the carpet. Wonderful stuff!"

Wanda Hamilton-Quinn

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